Part 4 Deuteronomy

Deuteronomy: the law of the family

Interview all of the family members in your immediate household.  Ask them to participate in the Rules Inventory.  Have fun with it!

What are your current rules?

Pick a member to jot down the family rules.  Don’t argue, yet, whether they are right or wrong or if they are being obeyed.  Since most people assume that every one else knows what they know, talking over your rule inventory with other members of the family can clear the way to find reasons for misunderstanding and sometimes behavior problems.

After all the rules are written down:

• Discover which rules are still up to date and which are out of date.
• Are these rules really helping or obstructing?
• What do you want them to accomplish?
• What have you worked out for making changes in your rules?
• Who is allowed to ask for the changes?
• How are the rules made in the family?  Does just one of you make them?  Who and why (and is this method appropriate) in a whole family environment?
• Where did we get the rule (s)?  From a book? A neighbor? or was it passed down?

Non-family Exercise

So far we have been looking in on the fairly obvious rules of a family.  There are others, however which are submerged and much more difficult to put our fingers on.  These are the unwritten rules having to do with the “freedom to comment” with the various members of the family.

There are four major areas involved with this question if Freedom to Comment

What can you say about what you are feeling or hearing?  Can you express your fear,helplessness, anger, need for comfort, loneliness, tenderness, or aggression? To whom can you express these? (for example, you are a child who has just heard your father swear, and there is a family rule against swearing; can you tell him?)

• How do you go about it if you disagree or disapprove of someone or something? Can you say so?
• How do you question when you don’t understand? (or do you?)
• Do you feel free to ask for clarification if a family member doesn’t make himself understood?

Commandments for Teens and Parents

Develop a series of 8 “Commandments for Parents” that would help parents and teens to get along better with one another.

Then develop a similar list of 8 “Commandments for Teens” that would help teens improve their relationship with their parents.

(When you are finished)

Ask you parent(s) which of their commandments would be hard for them to keep?  Ask yourself which one of your commandments would be hard to keep?